Alexia imara

Alexia iamra

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My road through Heaven and Hell

Blog | 24 Dec 2023

This is a story that travels through emotions

This story will sound crazy, and I get it - it still feels crazy to me but it’s very much real...

In 2021 I was experiencing a spiritual awakening

I felt so connected to the universe,

Saw the beauty in earth

Saw that this earth is already a heaven

Everything was divine

And felt like I was Source

I surrendered to a magical journey

I quit my job and went travelling

Went to my first doof festival, Rabbits Eats Lettuce

I’d never seen anything like it

It was heaven and hell, in music and in people’s costumes

I felt the power and high-energy

So I kept on going to festivals

And I kept doing things to enhance heaven

Festivals, drugs, sex

I followed the flow of heaven for months and through festivals, I travelled up the east coast of Australia

By the time I arrived in Port Douglas

I wanted to focus on building something amazing

I had all these ideas to create or save the world

But I had to face some hard truths

I was great at creating ideas but not so much at committing to them and taking continual action

I was carrying fear from judgement and fear of failure from my life before, following what my mum and society would deem ‘successful’

My self-worth was so fragile and tied up to my external achievements. That was my conditioning, how I was brought up

I was in a state of fear and not love

I would put effort into my ideas, and then stop as fear and self-doubt would creep in

I’d accumulated a lot of failures, and had heaps of projects that I’d start and not complete

My confidence and motivation plummeted.

I attracted a relationship that started out beautiful but devolved to become toxic because of our insecurities

He was fearful that I’d cheat on him as he hadn’t healed from his past relationship

I was fearful that he’d leave the relationship because of my insecure attachment patterns from my childhood

It was creating drama and was distracting me from actually working on my ideas

More drama lead to more pain and more hurt and I was attracting the wrong energies into my life

The worst part was the psychological hell I went through during a plant medicine ceremony

I went through a state of psychosis

And it felt like I was going to die

I then spent the better half of a year retraining my mind to get out of fear loops

On the outside, it looked like I was living a life in paradise

I was in a paradise location, living next to a beautiful beach

I got to take people out on a luxury sail yacht out for sunsets and snorkels on a paradise island as “work”

I had beautiful friends, was going to and hosting parties

I had access to the most abundant fruits and vegetables, living in the Queensland tropics

But I was in hell within

I lost my mind and experienced insanity

I didn’t have faith in my own word

I was uncertain and I was living in fear

I was deep in pain with a failed relationship and childhood wounds brought up

I wasn’t properly taking care of myself or things around me

I was in deep disappointment and shame

I had all these accumulated failures and I knew I wasn’t living up to my potential

And I had something very heavy within me

Regret.

The regret of wasted time

The regret of letting fears take hold and not pursuing my dreams

You can be in a paradise on the outside

But if you don’t feel it within, it doesn’t mean anything

Energy and state is the most important thing

If you haven’t seen it already, I’d love to introduce to you

The Scale of Consciousness

Dr David Hawkins graphed human emotions on a logarithmic scale over 30 years time

On the higher end are emotions stemming from Love

And lower end are emotions stemming from Fear

When I had my spiritual awakening

I experienced Heaven, I had reached cosmic consciousness in some of my altered states of consciousness

I gave into temptation

I gave into the serpent, from the biblical story of origins

I went to the bottom of the Scale of Consciousness

All the drugs, sex, partying and alcohol that I had prior, thinking I was in Heaven, had trained my brain and dopamine circuits for instantaneous reward

So when I embarked on something that needed consistent effort to accomplish

I didn’t keep to my word, I gave up when things got tough

And I experienced the shame and disappointment of failing myself

Even though I found paradise outside

I left the Garden of Eden within

Because I gave into temptation

But I gained knowledge from the biblical Tree of Knowledge

Of so called good and evil

I know what it feels like to have dreams of heaven but the disappointment not going for it

The regret of living in a state of fear

The pain and dis-ease of being in lowered states of consciousness

I discovered shame

Now I was out of the Garden, like the story with Adam and Eve

To find that I had to labour

I had work to do

I knew I couldn’t go on the way I was

The relationship ended and I also changed who I spent time with

In the new year I quit sugar, alcohol and caffeine

Along the way I also stopped watching movies, TV and scrolling for hours on social media

And I became abstinent recently

I was doing things that built my self-control

All of these things gave me more self-confidence

And I also started my journey of healing opening old wounds of neglect and verbal, physical abuse of my childhood

And it took a lot to stop seeing myself as the victim of them

And let go of the hurt and go into forgiveness and more love

I’ve finally been able to transmute and reframe how I see them

To see them as gifts, and turn the pain into power

I’m really working on myself and my self-control and consistency

And being more aware of my word and commitments and showing up for others

And this is a big one, showing up for myself and what I said I’d do for myself

I continue to work on myself and my business

I go for runs, even if I don’t feel like it

I encountered so much stress and uncertainty that my insides would churn and tighten

But I forced myself to breathe and refocus on positivity, gratitude, peace and joy

I encountered so much failure on this journey so far but this time I’m holding onto the vision and I am continuing the course, until

And it’s not failure unless you give up

And I discovered that I had not ruled my mind for so long that all these self-sabotaging thoughts kept popping up

So devised a way to blast through them, and now I’m motivated, driven by purpose

And it feels so good

I left the Garden of Eden

To labour

But I’ve found that in labour, in our work, in our effort, is where true joy is

The feeling of fulfilment to be working on ourselves and our visions

I’m so grateful because I’ve also done the personal exploration to know what I want to create in life and the legacy I’d like to leave

I would like to leave the planet so we have more respect and care for our rainforest, oceans and their inhabitants

And I would like to lift up people’s spirits, inspire and empower them to create their dreams

And because of the consistent work I put into myself, I now also have the self-belief to make it happen

Life can be heaven or hell

We make it so

Through our perception

And our ability to take care of our roles and responsibilities

And make the dreams within our heart true

What’s happening now?

Curiously, on my journey I met Nicky Swan, CEO of the Mossman Botanical Gardens, who I am working with and I coach

It’s also called Gardens of Origins, as we are conserving plant seeds from nearby Daintree, the oldest rainforest in the world At 180 million years, it is home to some of the earliest plant life on the planet

We’re fundraising for a 9-figure project, if you can help or would like to contribute, you can.

It’s going to take labour to build this physical garden

I still believe that Earth has the building blocks to be a true Eden

Each individual in pursuing their own dreams of heaven, will add to the collective dream of heaven

It will take our individual and collective efforts

A labour of love

And all the festivals and my life of temptation didn’t all go to waste

It gave me the dream to become a festival DJ

And I’ve put the work into learning the skills required

It was something that I really had to work to change my identity around

However, I’m so excited to announce that I’ll be playing at Elysian’s Meliora festival in Perth in the New Year

And with the labour I’m putting in, it’s possible to re-enter heaven, a better one this time

‘Meliora’ means better or in pursuit of better and ‘Elysian’ means characteristic of heaven or paradise.

I’ve gained a lot of wisdom and have gone through the pits, so that you don’t have to! If I can be of value to you and coach you with what you’re going through please let me know!

Some examples of what I’ve overcome and can help you with include: